Pade aotc

Claw marks are sexy, admit it!

Padme was mother of two really important peeps in the Galaxy. She was the poster child for jailbait, but could kick ass sometimes.

Padme "Pade" Amidala

Pade was born Padmé Amidala in 46 BBY in the Naboo capital city of Theed. Her parents named her with proper accentation to become a handmaiden, and she was educated accordingly. Despite the high profile and prestige of handmaidens, Padmé aspired to more. She became interested in politics, and became disillusioned with the way King Veruna was running things. In a letter to the editors of Retarded Teenage Girl, Padme blasted Veruna and challenged him to a debate. Seeing it as a publicity stunt, Veruna accepted but found that he was no match for Padmé's combination of girlish charm and teenage wisdom. Many pundits suggested that she would be a better monarch than the unpopular Veruna. During the contentious election campaign that followed, a sloppy printer mistakenly dropped the "m" and the accent from her name in all campaign materials. Frugal as she was inventive, Padmé made the snap decision to legally change her name to Pade to avoid the reprinting charges. Veruna's supporters would mockingly shout "Vote for Pade". The jeers backfired as many thought that was a sign of support and Padme was elected monarch of Naboo.



Pade Campaign T-Shirt


"Do I speak like I'm on Masterpiece Theater now?"

During her term as queen, many citizens were still confused by the whole Padmé/Pade thing. This caused the young queen to develop a bit of a split personality. The monarch Pade would speak with a quasi-retarded British accent. The peasant/handmaiden Padmé personality would speak normally. Out of the Clark Kent school of lazy disguises, Pade would merely let her hair down and slip on some Zoobas to become Padme. Amazingly, it fooled everyone. It also fit into Captain Panaka's planned Operation: Queen-out, which was used to protect Padmé, and get her out of jams when she accidentally made dates with two boys for the same night- which happened far more often than one would expect.


Under her reign, not much happened on Naboo except that time that the Trade Federation blockaded and invaded the planet. She was forced to flee the planet, where she was introduced to her future husband, Anakin Skywalker. It was a little creepy as Anakin was 8 and Padme was 14. Some of her handmaidens were a little uncomfortable with how close they seemed to be, but Captain Panaka assured them that nothing inappropriate was happening. She returned to Naboo and convinced the Gungans to act as cannon fodder while she took the planet back with a very small gun.


She went on to be re-elected as Queen, but ultimately she wasn't as popular in the second term. Lonely Housewife Magazine determined, via its incredible polling system, that it was due to Pade's age. She was deemed too old. After Padme, most of Naboo's rulers were teenage girls. This somehow made sense to the people. Padme went on to become a Senator instead.

The Dance Continues


Romance thanks to Mentos! The Fresh-Maker.

Thirteen years later, Padme and Anakin were reintroduced and their romance rekindled now that they were much closer in age... somehow. As any student of the sciences knows, time slows down at you approach the speed of light. As a planetary ruler, Padme did a lot of light speed travel over these thirteen years shaving six years off her age. OK? Good. Now everything is back in order and the romance is a lot less creepy. The Clone Wars started around this time. Some other important stuff might have happened at this stage in her life, too. Anakin and Padme's relationship blossomed into full-blown love, and they exhibit as much passion as an algebra class. But not a fun algebra class. They had a secret marriage, but C-3PO witnessed it, and he was terrible at keeping secrets. Fortunately nobody paid any attention to him.

Eh, She Had a Good Run


Pade is buried in a floating coffin with some crap jewelry Anakin got from a box of Smacker Cracks.

Padme got pregnant. It's reasonable to assume that Anakin had no idea how that stuff worked, since he was the product of weirdness and was basically raised by celibate monks. As everyone else had known for 25 years, Anakin turned to the dark side and became Darth Vader. This piece of common knowledge somehow evaded Pade and the shock killed her while giving birth to twins on an asteroid. Apparently it was not one of the asteroids known for its premiere neo-natal care.